What To Do When You Learn Your Daughter Has Eloped

Photo by my awesome cousin! — Photograph by my awesome cousin! The dress is from Modcloth.

In the weeks after my surprise elopement, I've been doing some reflecting on the unabridged experience. I realized that I've learned these eight of import lessons that I'd love to share, in the hopes of helping others who are too considering eloping.

1. Putting effort into the elopement wedding 24-hour interval was worth it

Nosotros spent time putting together our outfits with our ivory and orange theme, semi-DIY-ing my veil, getting pampered at the spa together, DIY-ing flowers with little family unit treasures, etc. It probably took more time than I predictable for a "unproblematic" city hall wedding, but I'm so glad we could feel good nigh ourselves and get that wedding-y feeling on the day. It all added to the energy!

2. When you elope, photos are so important for you and those who couldn't exist there

Originally, I idea we'd just enquire our witness to snap photos with my point-and-shoot photographic camera. Merely as nosotros started getting things together, I realized that I really wanted nice photos to remember the 24-hour interval and to share with our friends and family. We were And then lucky! My cousin is an aspiring wedding lensman and was available to accept awesome photos. And our families just loved being able to encounter our whole mean solar day, from gettin' ready to gettin' hitched.

iii. A courthouse ceremony actually feels very special

When we arrived at the County Recorder's office, nosotros immediately saw two other couples waiting to be wed. Everyone at the role was so nice, congratulating u.s. along the way. Plus, all the officiants in that county are volunteers who practice this on their own time for free. Amazing! Across that, we also found a actually special pregnant in maxim the same vows as all the other couples. A feeling like we were a part of this greater tradition of marriage. And, with the contempo over-turning of Prop 8 in California, nosotros loved that the officiant didn't pronounce united states of america the traditional gender specific "man and wife" merely said were now viewed as spouses in the state of California.

4. Be ready for some hurt feelings

I'll talk well-nigh parents in #eight below, just I'll say I was surprised that some friends were hurt by our underground engagement and elopement. I knew people would be surprised, merely I thought they would just like the excitement of it all and be happy in the terminate. Only I think some people assumed they would be a part of our wedding in some way. Some others also didn't "get" why we did information technology, and were semi-offended by the offbeat-ness of eloping. So, nosotros're going to work on talking more than to these people and making certain they sympathize that nosotros did what nosotros did because information technology was right for united states. Which it was. So I feel no need to apologize, just reassure.

v. But take in the overwhelming Beloved you lot'll feel from your community

Fifty-fifty with what's said above, the vast majority of people were delighted to hear our news, with comments like "Oh how exciting! I'm glad you followed your middle." to "Even though it says it'due south truthful — I CAN'T REALLY BELIEVE It!!! Nosotros Have to Celebrate!" to "HOLY CRAAAAP!" to "Say waat? Congrats guys, that's similar mega super awesome!" Nosotros felt the honey! At that place was even a spontaneous become-together at our identify the night nosotros announced it with all our neighbors. Just wonderful.

half-dozen. Have a plan for how to share the news

We were sorta prepare for this… We knew we would each telephone call our parents to tell them a "surprise," and as soon as they picked upwardly the telephone, nosotros'd ship an email with a snapshot of u.s. in our wedding gear. But across that, I wish we had idea of a list of all the people we'd call before posting the news on Facebook the adjacent day. There were some people we attempted to phone call, but couldn't connect with, and I'm sorry about that. And so I'd recommend creating that listing early so you have more fourth dimension to prep.

7. Post-wedding getaways are the best

We picked our date because we already had a trivial getaway planned and knew we'd like the post-wedding break. We didn't do anything romantic. We flew from sunny California to chilly Wisconsin for a tabletop gaming convention called GaryCon. I met a bunch of my married man'southward gaming friends for the start fourth dimension, learned how to play Advertising&D, lounged virtually… no, I mean "volunteered," partied past midnight, and even had time for a few hot tub visits. It was a relaxing and totally fun mode to first our lives together!

8. Accept a divers adult relationship with your parents Earlier eloping

This is a large one. So many times I heard couples proverb they tin't stand the stress of a traditional wedding, and they simply want to elope. A friend reminded me upon hearing the news, "Wow, you lot are brave!" because information technology can take guts to leave your family out of your wedding. If your relationship with family unit is defective clear personal boundaries, which is causing problems in your wedding planning, I doubtfulness eloping is going to make that better. Really, it may brand it worse.

I'm an only child who had trouble establishing myself equally an adult with my overbearing-but-loving parents. I've gone through some extremely tough times with my parents in lodge for them to see me as my ain person and to respect my life decisions as an adult. Only getting our relationship to where it is today is the reason my parents take been able to not merely have my marriage, but rejoice in it! Sure, information technology has been a shock to them, merely they are doing well with the news and are very excited to celebrate with us. I only know that if we were nevertheless in the aforementioned emotional space that we were ten years agone (heck even v years ago), this would be a very unhappy experience for all of us.

So those were my lessons learned from eloping — I hope they assist others. What are your pieces of advice for eloping couples?

"They're all mad" funny elopement announcement cards.

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Guest Post By: famousjenny

I'1000 a midwest transplant living with my partner in Oakland, California. I don't go a week without a champagne & rock 'north' gyre, marathoning a new show on Netflix, and starting (but probably not finishing) a new craft projection.